Grandma Crazy's Spaghetti and Meatballs

I asked my son to write up my meatballs recipe. I should have read it before I forwarded it to my friends and church members!!

Meatballs

For each pound of ground beef (the leaner the better or the sauce gets greasy) 1 lbs beef 1 egg 1/2 to 1 cup of fresh breadcrumbs (get a roll from a bakery and chop it in the food processor or shred it with a cheese grater) 1/2 cup Romano or Parmesan cheese (or a blend of the two) 1/2 teaspoon to 1 teaspoon granulated garlic 1 teaspoon parsley Dash of salt and pepper

You can usually easily double this part. Past that you might need to adjust the ratios to get the right feel. Mix everything up and roll into balls. Some people will cook the meatballs in the oven or fry them off. Mom drops them directly into the sauce and lets them simmer in it to cook for at least 2 hours, without stirring for the first hour (so you need to keep the sauce on low).

Because we're descended from a family of witches, she will chant as she adds the meatballs:

Angels and demons hearken ye to my call

Do not tarry for fear of my ire

To my meatballs let no harm befall

As they simmer over this fire

Sauce

Coat the bottom of a large pot with olive oil and heat it slightly over low heat. Add 1 chopped onion and 4-5 chopped garlic cloves. Cook until they are lightly browned. Add 1 28 ounce can of crushed tomatoes (or if you're feeling adventurous, you can boil and peel fresh tomatoes, and put them through a blender until you have about 4 cups worth of tomatoes. It takes longer, but it tastes really good. I generally recommend Roma tomatoes) Add 2 12 ounce cans of tomato paste, This is where it gets tricky - add at least 1.5 cans of water with the paste. After you let it cook for 15 - 20 minutes, you can add another half can of water if the sauce seems too thick.

Also, if Mom is working a spell to attract or enslave a man, this is where she would add a few hairs from a location better left unnamed while chanting:

I am the queen

You are the bee

Come to me

And pleasure me

Add about 8 ounces of chopped pepperoni. Add 2 tablespoons of basil and 2 teaspoons of oregano. Add 1-2 tablespoons of sugar. Mix well and cook until all the paste has dissolved. Reduce heat to a simmer.

Another optional thing: You can add about 1 lbs of cooked Italian Sausage. Just boil it until it is cooked (10-15 minutes), and then cut it up to add to the sauce.

As mentioned above, you can add the meatballs at this time, distributing them around the pot. If the last few won't go under, use a spoon to cover the tops with sauce. Let them cook about an hour before stirring if you are adding them raw. Otherwise, they will break apart.

Don't forget Mom's chant! Otherwise they will burn.

Once the sauce is ready, serve with your favorite pasta. While making the pasta, she will lean into the steam once the water boils and chant the following:

Boil, boil, toil and trouble

Fire burn and cauldron bubble

Reduce my enemies to rubble

And my underarm, leg, and facial hair to stubble.

Cook your favorite pasta and serve. The sauce is even better on the second day!

That is pretty much all there is to it, unless she's trying to conjure up a few demons using her Italian Christmas Eve Witchcraft Powers. Then it gets way too complicated.

bon appetit